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I hate camping.
And I know your thinking that it's probably because I am a pretty pretty princess that doesn't like to get dirt underneath my nails.
So true.
But I also have been traumatized, thus the main reason why you won't find me in the woods, pitchin' a tent, eatin' beef jerky..
You see when I was of the ages 12-18 my mother so kindly forced me to attend church girls camp. Now, let me say, before I had ever attended, at the age of 12, I was BEYOND excited to go. I loved the idea of hanging out with my gal pals for a week, talking boys, hiking, and playing games.
Truth be told, I don't think I really knew what camping really was.
You see, there were no "tents" my first year of girls camp. No "mattresses," not even ones full with air. There were no showers, or toilets that involved flushing, and there definitely wasn't running water to wash our faces or brush our teeth.
(Water bottles are very versatile my friends.)
Frostbite was in the corner of my mind as I tried to fall asleep everynight, but that didn't seem to bother me as much as the bats that came screaming into our tent through out the night, probably chasing the mice that ran across our floor. Do bats eat mice? I dunno, but I am pretty sure they like moths. Moths the size of Baby Boo's head.
And just because I am deathly afraid of creepy crawlers, and flying freak shows, doesn't mean I forgot about the wardrobe. Each group was given a color to go along with, and some how my group always got stuck with the colors of pee pee & poo poo, while other girls who were sans acne and beautiful even though they hadn't showered in days, got lucky enough to wear the pinks, and greens. I guess it didn't bother me too much that I was blending in with dirt and bear droppings, because I was just so grateful boys weren't allowed at camp.
But I don't think that frostbite, dirty faces, and poop were all that bad, until I had my first camp breakfast "meal." Eggs and red jello definitely don't sit right when you have to complete your first 5 mile hike an hour later. Trust me folks, even a continental breakfast from the Holiday Inn with packaged muffins, and fake eggs would have tasted ALOT better. But I seemed to even let THAT pass, as I thought about campfire Smore's.
Smore's are my favorite. I didn't care how many horrible camp songs I had to sit through, as long as I was eating a burnt marshmallow off a wire hanger, keep on singing "NOAH HE BUILT AN ARKY ARKY" in my ear, because I am at peace with my smore's.
And some how, I think, If they would have just had more SmoRe'S...
I probably wouldn't be as traumatized.
Smore Schmalls
Ingredients:
3/4 cup cashews
2 grahm crackers (minus high fructose corn syrup)
5 chopped dates
1 1/2 tsp. vanilla
1/3-1/2 cup marshmallows
2 heaping TB chocolate chips
Directions:
1. Using a food processor, process cashews till fine crumbs. Then add crackers until fine crumbs.
2. Next process dates into mixture, until dates become finely chopped. Then add vanilla and marshmallows. Process until mixture becomes somewhat "wet" and thicker crumbles appear. Then process chocolate chips until they seem to have been chopped up.
Mixture should look like so when done:
You want it chunky and crumbly, but when you mush mixture together, it will stick.
4. Form into schmalls and store in freezer.
My husband and I have been munching on these all weekend. They are such a sweet treat/craving cures.
Somehow, I think that 5 miler hike would have been much easier with these schmalls in my faney pack.
Yes, that's right...A faney pack and a bear droppings color shirt.
Ok, so I didn't stop with these schmalls.
Schmalls are very versatile.
You see, life wouldn't be complete with out a Green Drink...
Smores Green Drink
Ingredients:
1 1/4 cup non dairy milk (something creamy like soy, coconut, or hemp)
1 1/2 cups spinach
1 frozen banana
1 1/2 smore schmalls
ice
Directions:
1. Blend all together in a blender until smooth and creamy.
Somehow I strongly believe this would be a MUCH better breakfast selection than eggs and red jello.
Although if it was green jello....
Scratch that.
Ok, so I didn't stop there...
No..NO...NO...
I wanted to go further than I have ever gone before.
Let me introduce you to one of my favorite foods on earth...
Smores Milk Shake
Ingredients:
2 frozen bananas
4-5 coconut milk ice cubes
2 large smore schmalls
splash of coconut milk
1/2 tsp. vanilla (optional)
Directions:
1. In a high powered blender or food processor, blend bananas until creamy, then add coconut ice cubs, and process until creamy, like so:
2. Then add in schmalls and process until combined.
3. Pour in a glass and slurp away into dream land...
I love these because they are SOO easy to make! ONLY 3 ingredients!
What are those cups you ask?
It's frozen coconut milk of coarse! It's what you use when you don't own ice cube trays.
I know I know..
I learned it at girls camp.
Now, these probably won't taste like your regular milk shake at Wendy's, but your doing body a HUGE favor by slurping one of these bad boys. These have healthy fats, minimal sugar, and tons of nutrients!
If only I would have come up with this when I was prego and craving a milk shake every 3-4 hours. I probably wouldn't still be trying to loose a few.
Now, I know your thinking that I would probably never even consider sending Baby Boo to girls camp for fear of torment or poop colored shirts, but as I was photographing this milkshake in the rain this morning, I thought about all the good memories I have and the important lessons I learned.
And then as the sun began to shine through I realized that girls camp had nearly taught me the most valuable lesson of them all. Valuable enough that I think my own daughter should benefit from it as well..
Marry someone who hates camping just as much as you.
