As I laid in my bed Sunday night and reflected on the day, tears began to fall down my face. It was 11 p.m. and the baby was nuzzled up next to me. If she or I moved, she quickly searched for me to nurse and then would fall back asleep in a matter of seconds. Uh oh. “This is going to be a long night.”
The day was not too drastically different than any other Sunday, except I didn’t go to church because the baby had come down with either a cold, or teething. Not sure which, but something was bugging her, so I decided it was best to stay home. “Maybe I’ll actually be able to straighten up a little, pick up the toys, start the laundry…”
As soon as the older girls left with my husband for church, I sat on the couch and immediately felt overwhelmed. Not just with the messy house, but with life. I began to feel like I was not on top of things lately.
I got up and began to collect the toys. They were everywhere. Like in every room and corner of the house. It can be annoying to be constantly stepping on them, but in a way I love it. I started to think about my two older girls and how forgiving they’ve been to me over the past year. Being sick and tired every day through the pregnancy, and now reliving the new born years, I haven’t been as attentive as I wish I could be. But man, they’ve become the best of friends (and sometimes the worst), and they’ve adapted really well. Seriously, I love them.
I didn’t get too far in picking up the toys when the baby seemed fussy/hungry/tired so I went up stairs to rock her. It was not an easy task but she finally fell asleep. As she laid there I thought about the million things I needed to do, and kept telling myself I could finish them just as long as she took a good nap. I laid her down, shut the door, and went down stairs. I peeked at the monitor and noticed two big eyes staring right at me. “Well, that didn’t last long.”
I ran back up stairs hoping I could put her back to sleep before she fully woke up. I scooped her in my arms and realized, yea she’s fully awake. But I continued to try to put her back to sleep hoping it would help. As I rocked her I thought about my family, extended, and how much I missed them and wished they were here. Having my husband gone so much for work is rough. (Don’t you hate bills?!) Not a week, and maybe even never longer than 2 days went by when I was younger that I didn’t see my cousins or my grandparents. I started to get sad about my girls and how they are lucky to see their family only every few months, and cousins are non existent, (and probably will be for a very long time.) “Arielle, stop being such a debbie downer!”
I got up since the babe decided 5 minutes was enough rest time and went back to the chores. I didn’t accomplish much due to the fussy baby, and before I knew it the rest of the family was home.
The day continued and then soon enough, it was time for bed. I tucked the girls in and laid the baby down. I cuddled up next to my husband, but once again that little bebe was wide awake and not happy. I pushed the piles of clean folded laundry off my bed, held my sweet baby in my arms, and got her back to sleep. That’s when the tears began to flow.
So, why am I sharing this (pretty personal) day with you?…Because Monday, even though it wasn’t much more of a different day, was much better. And here’s why.
Sunday night as I held my baby right up next to me, trying so hard not to move, I scrolled through my phone. I happened to come across a blog post from In The Head of AL and it was exactly what I needed to hear. I’m going to take a quote right out of her post. Here is what she said…
‘Love where you are. A perfect reminder when things are hard to not spend your time looking ahead pleading for things to be over and things to be different. But just to stop. Stop looking backwards. Stop yearning and waiting forwards. Today, where you are right now, is a joy. Because today, right now, is the best place to be. Because happiness does await us in this day. Because His blessings and promises are here, right now.’
Bam. Like a ton of bricks right to the gut. I had spent practically my whole day being sad. Being frustrated about things in the past. Being overwhelmed with how I wish certain things were different because if they were, life would be totally easier right? I had totally avoided the Joy that I had THAT day. I missed it. I had overlooked the tremendous blessings that I had in that moment, and my friends, I have SO many blessings. So many things currently to be thankful for RIGHT NOW.
I had a messy house, but I so quickly forgot that I HAD A HOUSE, that we OWNED thanks to the extremely hard working husband I have! We are free from worry because of him! There were toys everywhere, but I didn’t focus on the fact that I had three beautiful daughters of god that were healthy, smart, creative, and beautiful. Each ‘mess’ resembled a time where they sat together and played. The baby was fussy and not sleeping, but I was holding my baby. A baby that I was able to have, a baby that was healthy and growing. A baby that has brought so much joy and togetherness to our family.
It’s easy to look past what we have and focus on things we wish were easier or different, but let me tell you…It’s easier to find the blessings we have now. There are so many things to find Joy in today.
Monday was so much better, and I was so much happier. (Including my family)
Find Joy in Today.